I dont believe in love at first sight. I believe that you real love has to have time to grow, you have to know the person. But I do think that you can know that could love someone pretty early on; given the chance. No one can explain why we fall in love or what it is, because it cant be explained. It doesnt make sense.
The first time I saw him, the person I loved for over three years, it was nothing extraordinary. My friend pointed him out and said that he thought would get on well. I barely looked; i wasnt interested. Then one day i was going about my life and suddenly there he was and he seemed...different. I couldnt figure it out. Taller? Different clothes? Haircut? Everyone else thought he looked the same. Maybe I was just ready to really look and to see him.
So i kept finding excuses to talk to him, to walk past him. I walk completely out of my way to see him for a second. I was completely confused for a while until I realised...I liked him. Really liked him. Something told me, though I would never admit it to anyone, that we could be something amazing. He just didnt know it yet. But somehow I did, it didnt make any sense but I knew it.
I was brave. I knew what i wanted, I went for it, I got it. I gambled with my heart. And even though I lost in the end it was worth it. There was a calm to being in love. When I was with him, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to me and I was at ease.
I worry that I wont be that brave again. And that I wont ever find that calm and that stillness again. It seems such a small chance that I could find someone that I could feel that for, or even less likely I could find someone that would feel that for me. And even if I did, will I make the leap? Will I let myself fall and risk that no one will catch me?
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